By Brett & Kate McKay
If your family celebrates Christmas, and you’re of the opinion that belief in Santa Claus constitutes one of the most magical parts of childhood rather than the Big Lie, you’ll annually have the privilege of taking on the role of old Kris Kringle. This is a big responsibility. For eight or so years of your kid’s life, you’ll be playing the jolly old fat man who makes dreams come true. If you do it well, your kids' imaginations will have plenty of magical moments to feast on. If you blow it, your kids may become prematurely jaded about Christmas. Being Santa is no easy task; kids today are a savvy bunch, and the truth about Mr. Claus is only a Google search away. The following are ways to preserve the Christmas magic and keep your kids believing in St. Nick for as long as possible. How to Be Santa Claus for Your Kids 
Hide the gifts. The most common Santa slayer for kids is finding their gifts, the same gifts supposedly being made in Santa's workshop, sitting in their parents' closet. Around age 6 or 7 kids start getting suspicious about the Santa story and will commence a thorough search of the house to find their Christmas booty. And these are professional hide-n-seekers, so don't fool yourself; they know every nook and cranny in the house. If you don’t have a super-secret spot available in-residence, your safest bet is to stash the presents at an offsite location. If you have space at your office, keep the presents there. If that’s not an option, see if you can stash the gifts at a good friend’s house who 1) has no kids, 2) has infants, or 3) has older kids who are in on the Santa jig. Track Santa on radar. Even little tykes are pretty technologically savvy these days, and look to modern gadgets for affirmation of what is real. Every year NORAD radar realistically "tracks" Santa's journey around the globe on Christmas Eve. You can show this to your kids as proof that Santa is indeed on the move. 
Get the kids to bed. Read the kiddos A Night Before Christmas and/or The Polar Express and then tuck them into bed. But they're going to have a tough time getting to sleep; kids are wired on Christmas Eve night, excitedly thinking about all the cool stuff that they’re going to get in the morning. To make sure they actually doze off so you and your wife can get to work, tell them that Santa Claus has a sleep detector and will only come to homes that have sleeping children. If that doesn’t work, give them a sippy cup filled with eggnog and a bit of rum. 
Finish assembling toys. Some presents, like bikes, will need some assembly. If possible, do any assembly offsite in order to reduce the ruckus of you going through your toolbox. If that’s not an option, get the tools you need ready during the day. Read the instructions over so you have an idea of what you’re doing. You have limited time, so the less time you spend scratching your head figuring out how to put the darn thing together the better. 
Place the presents under the tree and fill the stockings. If possible, wrap all the presents before Christmas Eve so all you have to do that night is put them under the tree. While you’re bringing out the gifts, have your wife stuff the stockings with goodies. Pro tip: In the run up to Christmas, remember to hide the stocking goodies as well as you hide the big presents. My family of five always got oranges in the bottom of our stockings growing up. One year I counted the number of oranges in the fridge the night before Christmas. There were seven. The next morning I did a recount. Only two oranges were left. With a heavy, heavy heart, I put two and two together. As you put out the presents, be on watch for rogue children. Kids will invariably climb out of bed to either try to sneak a peek at Santa Claus himself or to see if he’s left their booty under the tree yet. If at all possible, try to catch your kids before they make it near the living area where the tree and gifts are waiting. Threaten them with a lump of coal if they don’t get back to bed. If you can’t stop your kid in time and he catches you in the act, you can lie and maintain their faith in Santa or tell them the sad truth that Santa isn’t real. If you go with the more fun option, i.e., lying, tell your kid that you and your wife were just putting out Mommy's and Daddy’s gifts for each other and that Santa had already come. Swiftly get them back to bed so you can finish the job. 
Leave evidence. Unlike most men who sneak into houses late at night, you want to make sure Santa leaves plenty of evidence behind. Leave some soot boot prints on the carpet near the fireplace. Eat the milk and cookies, leaving some half-eaten cookies on the plate. If the kids set out carrots for the reindeer, put some gnawed-on carrot stubs in the fireplace. Maybe place a cool gold button near the Christmas tree too, and tell your kids that it must have fallen off Santa’s suit. Get to bed. You won’t get much sleep tonight, but try to get as much shuteye as you can. You’re going to need all the energy you can get on Christmas Day. What do you do to play Santa in your house? Share with us in the comments! Illustrations by Ted Slampyak 
By A Manly Guest Contributor
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Steve Scott. Man is a hunter. No matter your take on where we as a species came from, both the pre and post historic man hunted as if his life depended on it…because it did. Life required hunter-gatherer to survive. Learn the art of hunting, and a man could feed himself. Become a skilled hunter, and a man would elevate in status and wealth, could take a mate, raise a family, and propagate the species. Failure as a hunter meant certain death…or vegetarianism. And many men failed as hunters because it was really hard. Though Man is an apex predator, it took cunning, skill, and a lot of courage to pursue wooly mammoths, saber-tooth tigers, and giant sloths with stone axes, flint-tipped spears, and the occasional atlatl. Thankfully today, hunting is less of a life-or-death ordeal as Man’s oversized brain and advanced tools have more than made up for his limited physical abilities. Modern weapons are infinitely more sophisticated and effective, and today, game is much more abundant. Because of far-sighted men like Theodore Roosevelt and Aldo Leopold and billions of dollars of support from hunters, the conservation movement was born. As a result, wildlife is thriving throughout North America. Yet while there are more hunting opportunities today in the United States than ever before, some intrepid hunters look beyond our shores to a continent where the flora is little wilder, and much of the fauna has a nasty propensity to turn the hunter into the hunted. I am referring, of course, to Africa. Penetrating the Dark Continent Though native Africans rightfully take issue, European explorers of the colonial age “opened” the continent from the 17th century on. Africa and its wealth of wildlife was a magnet for many a gentleman sportsman, soldier of fortune, and anyone who enjoyed wearing khaki. Fortunes could be made in a season with the “white gold” of the elephant tusk, and rhino horn was then, as today, in high demand in Asian and Middle Eastern marketplaces. Without regulation, much less enforcement of conservation imperatives, Africa’s great herds of pachyderms were pushed to the abyss of extinction. And though European colonial governments had a mixed record “managing” the lands they ruled, eventual development and enforcement of game laws eased pressure on African wildlife and paved the way for the golden era of African safari. T.R., Hemingway, The Duke, et al.  On right, TR & son Kermit with a cape buffalo taken on the 1909 safari, which TR turned into a series of articles for Scribner’s Magazine. Though commercial hunting ventures were already coming to the fore, Theodore Roosevelt’s grand safari of 1909 brought African safari and things like the pith helmet to the public eye. Financed by Andrew Carnegie and his own writing contracts, T.R., the stout, myopic ex-president and his son Kermit braved thirteen months traveling and hunting the Dark Continent, to ultimately gather the largest collection of natural history specimens ever donated to the Smithsonian Institute. The collection, which totaled 23,151 specimens, included insects, birds, and non-game mammals. It also included a number of lions, elephants and rhinoceros, along with a plethora of other big game species. Through his series of articles in Scribner’s Magazine and the eventual compilation that became the book African Game Trails, Roosevelt introduced the world to safari, and the rich and famous came in droves.  More than hunting can take place on safari. Here, two prolific writers, Roosevelt and Hemingway, ply their craft in the comfort of the open air office. Inspired by Roosevelt’s adventures, Ernest Hemingway’s African safaris were both productive and nearly fatal. His hunting exploits were the basis for the classic novel The Green Hills of Africa, as well as the short stories “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” and “The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber.” Hemingway took dangerous game on both expeditions, but it was not the game that nearly got him killed. On his second safari, Hemingway survived not one, but two plane crashes, adding to his legendary persona as a fearless adventurer and the manliest of authors. Later in the 20th century, actor William Holden perpetuated the safari mystic with the Hollywood crowd and other notables of the day when he established the Mt. Kenya Safari Club in 1959. Through the decade of the 60′s and beyond, “The Club” became the retreat of choice for the glitterati, including crowned heads, luminaries of the day, and A-list actresses in fitted bush jackets. It also became a bastion of adventure for some of the most notable alpha males of the period, including Sir Winston Churchill, Clark Gable, Bing Crosby, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Sean Connery, and John Wayne.  Actors Gary Cooper & Clark Gable were members of the Mt. Kenya Safari Club. With generals, knights, and the Duke shining a spotlight on the safari lifestyle, it was little wonder the not-so-rich and famous soon began to hunt Africa as well. Safari for the Rest of Us Today, Africa remains the Mecca of big game hunting, as more species of plains and dangerous game inhabit sub-Saharan Africa than anyplace else on earth. And while a full-bag Big Five (the five dangerous game species of Africa — elephant, rhinoceros, lion, leopard, and cape buffalo) safari in Tanzania can run north of $200,000, there are plenty of affordable big game safaris that can be had on a more modest budget…say mid-$5000 range, including airfare. Or put another way, a seven-day African safari with several species for the equivalent of a moderately-priced elk hunt in the Rocky Mountains. Think about that! Bottom line: an African safari is a doable proposition for most any man who is: 1) employed; and 2) has the desire to go. A Bad Example: Me When I booked my first African safari nearly 20 years ago, I was an idiot. Well, perhaps not an idiot, but my lack of knowledge of what I was getting into was laughable. For a seven-day plains game hunt in South Africa, I was working out hard every day to build my strength and endurance in the event I encountered a rampaging lion in the bush. Problem with my logic was, there are precious few free-ranging lions in South Africa, and if I did happen to encounter one, no amount of speed or strength would have saved my tender hide. Operating on the premise that you are more likely to undertake something outside your comfort zone (like go on an African safari) if you have a general knowledge of the process, and can be reasonably certain you will not be mauled by a lion, here are a few tips that can help make your first safari a resounding success. The How-To of Safari Like any worthwhile project, having a solid plan for a safari will go a long way to insure its success. The single biggest factor in determining the outcome of a safari adventure is which operation the safari is conducted with. In other words, choosing a professional hunter, or PH is the hunters first, and most important decision. 1. Choosing A Professional Hunter: The professional hunter is the jack-of-all trades of the safari. He acts as host, guide, tracker, outfitter, bartender, and sometimes cook, mechanic, or counselor. In short, the PH is the man in charge of everything that has anything to do with the hunt. But how does one choose the right professional hunter with the myriad of choices available? Simply by doing the research. Choosing the right PH/operator is much like finding a doctor or dentist when someone moves to a new area: ask others for recommendations; call references and see what kind of experience others have had, and make the decision based on the response. Attending local or national hunting and safari shows provide a great opportunity to interact directly with professional hunters. Often, a firm handshake and face-to-face conversation can tell much about a man, even enough to know whether or not this PH is the right match for the hunter. Some of the bigger hunting conventions that provide an opportunity to meet a good number of African operators are held in January and February each year, including those of the Dallas Safari Club, Houston Safari Club, and Safari Club International (usually in Reno, NV). Other good sources of information about African hunting opportunities include outdoor magazines and safari-oriented outdoor television programs. Safari DVD’s are also a good way to learn about various African operators, and the day-to-day routine of the African hunt. 2. What Do You Want to Hunt? For the first-time African safari hunter, beginning with plains game is usually a good idea. Plains game are, for the most part, species that are NOT part of the Big 5 or Dangerous 7 (includes the Big 5, plus crocodile and hippopotamus). Plains game is a broad category that includes antelope and other species, and run the gamut of size and cost: from a pygmy antelope like the dik-dik (really) that weighs about 6 lbs, to the 2200 lb Lord Derby Eland. For a cost comparison, consider warthogs and impala that have trophy fees averaging around $350, while the bongo of central Africa regularly sell for $30,000 and more.  The “whitetail deer” of Africa, the impala is an abundant prey species that is found in most southern and east African countries. So for most hunters, starting with the more common (and less expensive) species is the preferred choice. 3. Safari Costs Though hunting in Africa is a financially-manageable endeavor, the client has to be able to budget the costs. The price structure of hunting in Africa consists of two main components: daily rates and trophy fees. Daily rates are the per day cost of being in camp. Daily rates cover your food and lodging, daily laundry service, services of the PH, tracker(s) and skinner, transportation (in country) adult beverages (usually). In short: all of the things that make your hunting experience possible.  Common in arid regions of southwestern Africa, the springbok is a beautiful and abundant plains game species. It is also the mascot of the South African national rugby team. Trophy fees are the charges for each animal harvested. Trophy fees vary based on supply and demand. Common springbok are well, common, in the arid regions of Namibia and South Africa and the trophy fees are relatively low. Conversely, though there are good numbers of kuduthroughout southern Africa, their elusive nature and striking and beautiful long spiral horns put this species on the top of most hunters’ safari wish list. Accordingly, trophy fees for kudu are higher than most other plains game species.  With its graceful movements and long, spiral horns, the kudu is always in high demand by safari hunters. With dozens of species available through most hunting operators, it is literally possible to shoot one’s self into bankruptcy if the hunter does not maintain some semblance of fiscal control. It makes sense to decide before the hunt on a core list of species to pursue, with a couple of “maybes” in the event an outstanding specimen is encountered. It’s easy to be talked into taking a toad of a sable bull when he is standing broadside at 80 paces, but when it comes time for paying your safari bill at the end of the hunt, that extra $12,000 trophy fee might mean the kids miss out on their African souvenirs, or college tuition. Sometimes, there are pricing alternatives. Though most hunts are marketed on a daily rate/trophy fee basis, some operators are offering package hunts that are inclusive of all fees, sometimes even airfare. Providing economies of scale pricing will often lower the overall costs of the hunt to surprisingly affordable rates. The package I referred to earlier in the piece offered a seven-day hunt and four trophy fees, plus international airfare this past season for a remarkable $5650. 4. Deciding Where to Hunt What country to hunt may be the first issue to decide, even before the determination of which PH to use. However, for the vast majority of first-time safari hunters, the countries of South Africa and Namibia are the destinations of choice. Why? They are safe, (THE issue for most first-timers in Africa) relatively inexpensive, and offer a great number of hunting options. In addition, most hunters feel they need to acquire African hunting experience before going in pursuit of dangerous game, which makes a lot of sense. Plains game hunting, be it in South Africa, Namibia, or one of the northern countries, is great preparation for the inevitable desire to eventually chase creatures that can and will bite back. African Safari Within Your Grasp An African hunting safari is not for everyone, but the cool factor alone is enough to send many a first-time hunter across the pond. Exotic lands, pristine nature, and abundant wildlife straight out of Nat Geo Wild is the appeal for others. But whatever the motivation, an African safari is an obtainable goal for almost everyone. Forgo that daily stop at Starbucks and eat out one less time per week and in a couple of years, your safari account will be fully funded. It is strictly a matter of setting priorities, saving, and planning, and with a little time and fiscal discipline, you will soon be pursuing some of the great game animals of the world. But be warned: Africa is an addictive itch that is not easily scratched. For most safari hunters, the first trip to the Dark Continent will seldom be their last. _____________________________ Steve Scott, a reformed attorney, former college professor, and full time outdoor television producer can be found at stevescott.tv and followed at @stevescotttv. 
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